


Everything is 'Fine'

by Gameguy199



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, M/M, dark_thoughts, deflection, everything is fine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gameguy199/pseuds/Gameguy199
Summary: Depression is like a poison. A cruel and monsterious substance that squirms and writhes and wriggles inside someone like a horrible worm. Not only does it hurt those who suffer from it, but those around them as well. Can donnie help pull his brother out of the depths of depression? or will he have to watch his brother slowly spiral out of control, knowing that there is nothing he can do to help?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Take is from someone who's been there.
> 
> Depression is not a joke, or a game.  
> If you feel depressed or have thoughts of hurting yourself SEEK HELP.

He’d noticed it a few days ago. Mikey was normally open and outgoing, constantly happy with boundless energy. Recently he'd changed. Lately Mikey had become quite, he did not constantly talk or cook any longer. Normally after dinner Mikey would drag them into the living room and force them to watch whatever show was on. But tonight………not only had Mikey barely spoken but when they had finished eating Mikey had collected their bowls before leaving and vanishing into his room.

Now Donnie stood there, Mikey’s door in front of him. Biting his lip Donnie strained his ears. He couldn’t hear beyond the wooden door, he couldn’t tell if Mikey was awake or not. Taking a breath he moved, reaching out to gently knock on the wooden surface; the sound of his raptures echoing down the empty hallway. For several moments there was silence; but then Mikey’s voice met his ears. “Who is it?”

“It’s me……..Donnie…….can I come in?”

After another moment, Mikey responded. “Sure. It’s open.”

Reaching out Donnie pushed the door open, stepping into Mikey’s room Donnie’s eyes moved. Taking in the familiar sights. Several shelves filled with action figures, other shelves piled high with comic books or graphic novels. Mikey himself was sitting reclined on his bed, his shells propped up against a small bank of pillows; the buds of his T-pod propped into his ears.

As Donnie moved into the room Mikey shifted, pulling the buds of his music player out before looking at Donnie and smiling. “What’s up dude?”

Donnie remained silent, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He wasn’t sure why but suddenly he felt odd, as if he was about to ask something deeply personal or private.

“I………um……I was wondering……..are you ok?”

For a moment Mikey blinked at him. “Um…..yeah…….I’m ok. Why do you ask?”

Donnie bit his lip. “Well……lately you’ve been…..kinda quite. You don’t really speak a lot anymore. And…….you don’t seem to be having fun like you did before.”

Mikey shrugged. “It’s cool. I just don’t have anything important to say. So I don’t say anything.”

Donnie frowned slightly. “What? That’s never stopped you before.”

Mikey shrugged. “It’s ok dude. Lately I’ve been thinking. Raph is right. I talk too much. So…….I’m not talking so much. It’s ok.”

Again Donnie frowned, a feeling of worry growing in his chest. “Mikey……you know Raph doesn’t mean that. He-”

But Donnie broke off as Mikey shook his head. “No…..he’s right. I do talk too much. But I have nothing important to say. So…….I’m just not gunna talk so much. I’m gunna try to be less annoying. It’s good thing.”

Biting his lip Donnie felt his chest clench painfully. Mikey’s words hurt him. Something about the way Mikey spoke; it was filled with pain. His words were hurting him. “Mikey………you’re not annoying.”

But again Mikey shook his head. “Yeah I am Donnie. I’m not a very good ninja, I can’t help you in the lab. I care more about comic books and skateboarding than training. I’m annoying. Nothing any of you find important is important to me. So I’m gunna work on not bugging you guys. I’ll just be here, and when you guys need me I’ll be around. I’ll be ok.”

Donnie shifting. Again Mikey’s words made him feel pain. The words he was speaking were painful, filled with a kind of self-disappointment. Yet he spoke them with no sign that he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“So…….you’re gunna be here? In your room? Anytime were not on missions or training?”

Mikey nodded. “Yeah, I guess. It’s out of the way and it won’t bother you guys.”

Slowly Donnie shook his head. “Mikey…….I’m worried. The things you’re saying……..they aren’t normal. They-”

But again Mikey cut him off, this time with a laugh that made Donnie feel oddly nervous. The laugh seemed fake, forced; so unlike the normal warm laugh Mikey normally had. “Normal? Donnie we’re mutant turtles ninjas living in the sewers. There isn’t anything normal about us.”

Biting his lip Donnie remained silent. What Mikey had said was true; but the sudden change in his brother’s personality had Donnie worried. He'd spent some time reading about psychology and for someone to have undergone such a seemingly sudden in such a short time could be a sign for major concern.

After several moments of silence Donnie spoke. “Mikey…….you know…..if something is bothering you, you can talk to me about it. I will help if I can.”

Mikey nodded. “I know bro. but like I said, nothing is bothering me. Now look; I know you’re busy. I heard Raph talking to you earlier saying he wants your help with his bike. You should go. You know how he gets if you keep him waiting.”

Opening his mouth to protest Donnie stopped as he watched Mikey close his eyes, his hands moving to put his earbuds back in place. Remaining silent for a moment longer Donnie found himself slightly stunned. In 17 years Donnie had never seen Mikey this way before. On the outside the youngest turtle seemed fine; but his behavior was off, cold and unemotional. This was not the Mikey he’d grown up with.

Slowly Donnie moved, turning away from his brother before leaving Mikey’s room. Something was wrong, even if Mikey wouldn’t admit it; something had upset his youngest brother. That much Donnie was certain of. But if Mikey wouldn’t tell him what it was, he’d just have to try and figure it out for himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally i'd try to hold myself to some kind of structure for these chapters.  
> 2000 word minimum or explaing stuff that's happened between chapters.
> 
> but i'm not going to do that for this story.  
> depression doesnt care about structure.

CHATPTER 2

 

Dinner had been strange lately. Normally Mikey would chatter away as he cooked, rambling on about what he was making and how it was going to blow their minds. But lately the chatter had stopped, and although the quality of the food hadn’t diminished at all; Mikey didn’t seem to get any joy from the cooking.

Donnie watched his youngest brother stir the contents of the pan in front of him. Normally Mikey would be grinning from ear to ear while smelling and tasting whatever he was making. But now Mikey’s face was almost blank, the only hint of an expression was his eyebrows which were furrowed in concentration. Frowning as he continued to watch his brother Donnie remained silent. The change in his brother was startling. In a matter of weeks Mikey had gone from being loud and bombastic and enthusiastic about almost everything to being quiet, barely showing any emotion at all.

Even Leo and Raph had comments on it, asking Donnie if the youngest turtle was ok. In truth Donnie wasn’t certain of how to respond to their questions. Mikey had always been difficult for Donnie to read. The enthusiastic and nearly boundless energy their brother normally possessed made understanding his emotional state difficult for the genius turtle. But it didn’t take a genius to tell that the youngest turtle had changed. He sat in near silence, speaking only when spoken too.

As the meal ended Donnie watched as Mikey moved, gathering up the plates and cups they’d used before moving into the kitchen and starting to clean them. Shifting slightly Donnie watched as splinter, Leo and Raph moved away from the living room; each of them vanishing into their own parts of the lair. Biting his lip Donnie moved, stepping into the kitchen before speaking softly. “Mikey……”

From where he stood in front of the sink Mikey shifted, turning to look at him. “Yeah?”

Again Donnie bit his lip. Even Mikey’s tone had changed, having become flat and oddly hollow. “Did…..did you want any help with the dishes?”

Mikey shook his head. “No thanks. I got it.”

Taking a smell step forward Donnie continued. “I’d like to help.”

But Mikey shook his head. “I don’t need help Donnie. I’ve been doing the dishes for years. Besides, I’m sure you’d rather be in your lab tinkering or building something.”

Something about the way Mikey spoke made Donnie raise an eyeridge. His tone…..it was almost……accusatory?

“But I want to help.”

Donnie watched as Mikey sighed, setting the plate he’d been washing onto the counter before tuning fully to look at him. “No you don’t Donnie.”

Donnie blinked at his brother. “Of course I do. Why else would I offer if I didn’t want to?”

Again Mikey sighed. “Because you think that by cleaning dishes together it will make us talk and then you’ll be able to get to the bottom of why I’m acting differently. But it won’t.”

This time Donnie felt his stomach twist, slightly guiltily. Mikey’s words weren’t wrong. In the last few days he’d been subtly trying to get his brother to open up; occasionally asking for Mikey’s opinion of various things or trying to engage him in small conversations while they were on patrol. But so far none of his attempts had been successful. All they’d managed to do was reinforce the notion that something was wrong.

 Opening his mouth to speak Donnie found himself cut off as Mikey spoke over him. “Donnie, when was the last time you asked me how I was doing?”

Blinking at the question Donnie spoke. “A few days ago, when I came to your room.”

Mikey nodded. “And before that?”

Again Donnie blinked, opening his mouth to respond only to pause a second later. Slowly his mouth closed, his eyeridges knotting together as he struggled to remember; his memory stretching further and further back. After several moments Mikey spoke. “Five months. The answer is five months. It’s been that long since you asked me how I was doing. It’s been even long since splinter or Leo or Raph asked me.”

Against his will Donnie’s stomach clenched guiltily. Opening his mouth to speak Donnie again found himself cut off as Mikey continued to speak. “Donnie, its fine. Really. I’m used to doing the dishes alone. So why don’t you go do something you actually want to do?”

As he spoke Mikey jerked his head in the direction of Donnie’s lab. Again Donnie bit his lip. If he was being honest with himself he did have several projects he should be working on. He needed to update the lair’s security software, fine tune the engine on Raph’s bike, rewire several fusion boxes around the sewers as well as go through and catalog the stuff he and Raph had brought back from their last junkyard run.

Blinking Donnie found that in his silence Mikey had turned away from him and had begun to do the dishes again. after a moment Donnie spoke. “Mikey…..if something’s bothering you……you know you can come and talk to me……..right?”

This time Mikey didn’t move to look at him. Instead he stayed standing the way his was, his shell facing Donnie as he continued to scrub and clean the dishes they’d used to eat. “There’s nothing to talk about Donnie. Everything is fine.”


	3. Chapter 3

CHATPTER 3

 

Sitting alone in his room Mikey sighed softly. The lair was quite, Raph and Donnie had gone off to make another junkyard run, Leo and Master Splinter were meditating in the dojo; he was alone.

Sighing again Mikey shifted, slowly sitting up from where he’d been laying on his bed. A quick glance at the clock told him he’d been laying there, in complete silence doing absolutely nothing for almost 45 minutes. It wasn’t that he wanted to be doing nothing; quite the opposite in fact. He would have killed to be doing something, ANYTHING. The problem was that nothing sounded good to him.

Rolling his head to stretch the muscles in his neck Mikey glanced at his bookshelf. The shelves were stuffed full of comics and books, most of them about superheroes or stores of alien planets. He had a few stories on pirates, and even a few zombie stories. But the problem was, that he’d read them all; dozens of times. So much so that he knew each twist and turn of the stories by heart. The words and pictures that had once held his attention with an iron grip and gotten him into trouble for not focusing on his duties, were now boring and uninteresting.

His eyes shifted, glancing over his video game console. Normally video games were a perfect distraction. He could lose himself in the stories, characters or worlds people had spent years building for him to explore. But just with his books, he’d played and beaten all his games. Now, he could play there for hours on end and be half bored as he did so. The plot and ideas that once excited him, now left him yawning and half-uninterested. And while there was certainly something charming about playing an older game he hadn’t touched in a while, he found that that charmingness wasn’t enough to make him get up and turn on his console.

Sighing again Mikey moved, slowly allowing himself to fall back into the same laying position he’d been in before he’d sat up. In the back of his mind he toyed with the idea of texting April. It had been a while since he’d talked to her, which was odd given how close they were. He saw her as a kind of big sister and as lame as it may have sounded he hoped that she saw him somehow as a kind of little brother.

But lately things had changed. Normally they texted all the time, so much so that Donnie had gotten mad and bend out of shape about it, thinking that perhaps he and April were more than just friends. But lately the texts had become fewer and fewer. At first he’d chalked this up to her being busy. She was a student after all, she had homework and classes and afterschool stuff she needed to do to keep up appearances. And of course he totally understood that sometimes a person just needed some ‘ME’ time.

But now things were different. The last few times he’d texted with her, April had seemed distance. The words she chose and the way she texted made him feel like she was trying to focus on something else. Like he was being a bother to her. So he’d pulled back a bit, hoping that by doing so she’d be able to focus on whatever it was she’d been doing.

At first it had just been for a day. She’d told him she’d text him when she could. But then that day had become two days, then three, then a week, then two weeks. Now……

Blinking to himself Mikey sighed again it had been over a month since he’d texted April. Sure he’d sent her a few short messages, asking her how she was doing, hoping she was well and ok. But he’d gotten no response back.

Dimly Mikey wished he had more friends. He wished he could open his phone and text someone…..anyone. As it was he only had five numbers in his phone, Raph, Leo, Donnie, April and Leatherhead.

Glansing at his phone he considered reaching for it so he could text his large friend. It had been a while since he’d texted Leatherhead. At first when they’d first given Leatherhead a phone, things had been a bit odd. They’d send him a text asking him how he was doing, and instead of answering Leatherhead would show up at their door, asking them if everything was ok. He still remembered the moments when it had clicked in his brain.

Because of Leatherhead’s claws and nails, he couldn’t use the touchscreen on the phone they’d given him. He’d hear the phone go off and know that it was them, but without anyway to turn on the screen or send a response he’d been stuck and so would travel to come see them. After that Donnie had fixed things, finding an old phone in the junkyard that still used numbered buttons before converting to work on their network.

Shaking his head to himself Mikey discarded the idea of texting Leatherhead. He was sure his friend was busy, probably out doing something with the Mighty Mutanimals or else doing…….whatever it was he did when he wasn’t doing anything else.

Rolling onto his side Mikey’s eyes wafted to the shelf that hung from his wall; it’s surface covered in action figures and statues he’d managed to collect over the years. Most of them had been gifts from his brothers, a rare find one of them would come across during a junkyard run and would give to him. He cherished them. They were worth more to him than he could ever say or explain. But now; his eyes roved over the figures, noting the thick layer of dust that clung to them; making their colors seem dull of faded.

For a moment he considered digging under his bed. His heart seemed to speed up for a moment at the idea of pulling out the small wooden box he kept under there. Of opening the small plastic bag of pot he kept, and having just a little inhale of smoke; just enough to feel it without tipping off his brothers.

When he’d first found the bag in the sewers he’d thought about destroying it. He was sure he knew how his family would respond if they knew about it. Leo would look at him with disappointment, a look he’d also get from Master Splinter. Raph would no doubt fold his arms and say the choice was his to make, but he’d still give that same look of disapproval. Of all of them Donnie might understand. As a scientist Mikey was sure Donnie understood more than the rest how the drug would affect him. How it wasn’t really ‘dangerous’ like so many people thought. But that didn’t change the fact that Mikey was sure, deep down; Donnie wouldn’t approve of it.  

Sighing again Mikey discarded the idea. True; he liked how getting stoned made him feel. He enjoyed the feeling of tingles wandering through his body, the strange and bizarrely creative thoughts that popped through his mind like fireworks. And admittedly he liked the feeling it gave him if he became aroused, every touch and sensation magically enhanced and altered making the arousal feel impossibly good. But…….

Sighing again Mikey discarded the idea. He just wasn’t in the mood today.

Shifting slightly Mikey reached over, grabbing one of the pillows that normal lay at the head of his bed before pulling it against his chest. He hated this feeling. This sense of being lazy when he should be doing something. He hated just laying here, unable to make up his mind of what do to. Hated feeling sorry for himself. And yet…….no matter how hard he tried he found that he couldn’t stop.

NOTHING sounded fun or interesting to him.

Sighing to himself Mikey closed his eyes, pulling the pillow tightly against his chest as he lay there on his bed. Maybe he’d sleep. Maybe he’d dream and that would make him feel better. Maybe when he woke up he’d have an idea of something to do that would cheer him up.

 

Maybe…….


	4. Chapter 4

CHATPTER 4

 

From his spot on the upper floor Mikey watched his brothers. Raph was lazing in his beanbag chair, glancing through a parts catalog, no doubt longing wishing he could afford the parts for his bike. Donnie was busy, tinkering with something at his workbench. And Leo was flipping through the TV channels, sticking with each channel for a few seconds before sighing and changing it again.

Slowly making his way downstairs Mikey paused as he stood in the doorway to the living room. After a few moments he began to move again, heading towards Raph who didn’t look up at him until he was standing next to his red banded brother. “What?”

Biting his lip Mikey shifted his weight from one leg to the other before speaking. “I……were you thinking of going to junkyard later today?”

It was a fair question, Raph often times looked at recent parts catalogs and then later that day would go out and see if he could find the parts of something similar to what he’d seen. From his spot in his chair Raph shrugged. “Probably. Why?”

This time Mikey shrugged. “I……could I tag along?”

Raph looked at him silently, no doubt trying to decide if he should or say no to his request. Shifting nervously Mikey quickly added.  “I’ll help you carry whatever you find.”

In truth he had an ulterior motive for wanting to go. He wanted to be outside today. He’d woken up today and had a nearly overwhelming urge to be outside. To not stay hidden underground but to be out in the fresh air and sunlight. And if Raph was already going to go, then perhaps he could tag along and not have to spend that time top-side, alone.

He watched as Raph looked at him for a moment before shrugging again and turning his attention back to the catalog. “Sure. I suppose.”

Mikey bit his lip, smiling slightly at Raph’s response. For some reason the knowledge he would be able to go to the surface……it comforted him, made him feel happy. “When were you planning on going?”

Again Raph shrugged, not looking up from the parts catalog. “Don’t know. When I feel like it I guess.”

A small frown flittered across Mikey’s lip. He did have things he was supposed to do today. It was his week to polish the weapons they used for training, also he had to cook dinner and do laundry. “Well…….how about in an hour?”

Raph looked up at him before shaking his head. Cant. Helping Donnie in the shop then, he wants me to move something for him.”

Mikey nodded in understanding. “Two hours?”

Again Raph shook his head, turning his attention back to catalog. “Sparring with Leo.”

Mikey bit his lip, “Oh……ok……..three hours?”

This time when Raph looked at him Mikey could see a small hint of anger in his brother’s eyes. “Casey and I are gunna be chilling then. Like I said, I’ll come get you when I’m ready to go. Stop being annoying and just relax. It’s not like there’s a schedule or anything. Fuck.”

As Raph spoke the last word his voice level raised a bit, no doubt to put an end to the conversation and keep Mikey from asking more questions.

It was an impossible feel to describe. Mikey’s felt his heart sink like a stone, landing somewhere around the earth’s core. His shoulders drooped almost instantly and he shifted, his gaze moving downward to stare at the floor before nodding slowly. “Oh…..ok. sorry.” His voice came out soft, barely more than a whisper. Raph didn’t respond to his appoligy.

Before he knew it, his body was moving on its own, turning away from Raph before making his way upstairs. As he reached the seconds floor he could still hear Raph’s words in his head.

“S _top being annoying._ ”

His heart clenched painfully as the words replayed over and over in his head. He hadn’t been trying to annoy his brother. He’d been trying to help. He needed to know when Raph was going to leave, that way he’d be able to plan the rest of the things he HAD to do that day. He’d been trying to help.

It barely registered that he was back in the room. As the door shut behind him the room plunged into darkness, the only sounds that of his breathing. Slowly he sat down on his bed, Raph’s words echoing in his mind.

“ _STOP BEING SO ANNOYING._ ”

Somehow Raph’s voice sounded louder now that he was alone and in silence. He could see Raph’s face in his mind’s eye, the look of annoyance and anger.

Again his heart clenched painfully, he really hadn’t meant to bother Raph or make him angry. He’d just…..he’d just wanted to know when Raph had been planning to go. Reaching out he grabbed his pillow, pulling it tightly against his chest; willing the horrible twisting feeling in his chest to go away.

Again Raph’s words echoed in his head.

“ _YOU’RE SO ANNOYING! FUCK OFF!”_

He hadn’t been trying to be annoying. He hadn’t been trying to make Raph angry. He’d just……

Tears began to fall, welling up in the corners of his eyes before silently sliding down his face. His breathing was ragged now, making his shudder and gasp for air as he struggled to keep his tears silent. He pressed his face against his pillow, willing the worn fabric to muffle the sounds he was making.

He didn’t want to be annoying. He didn’t want to make his brothers mad. He just had wanted to go outside; to get away and out of the underground world he called home, that lately had started to feel like a prison.

He just…….he wanted……out…..to be free…….from all of it.


	5. Chapter 5

Slowly Mikey paced around the garage. Something was off. He wasn't feeling the sadness he'd been feeling lately. In truth he'd become number to that feeling, the constant underlying sorrow that seemed to follow him no matter what he was doing. Now he was just… tired….and frustrated.

Sighing to himself he dropped down, landing in a chair that Donnie had setup in front of the workbench. He wasn't sure why he'd come up here. Maybe to try and find some way to distract himself? The lair was pretty boring today. Leo and splinter were meditating; Donnie and Raph had gone to the junkyard to find new parts for Raph’s bike. And he…...honestly he was annoyed.

He'd hoped to talk to Donnie, had even been in the process of asking his older brother if they could speak in private when Raph had interrupted them and practically pulled Donnie away. When Mikey had protested and tried to keep speaking Raph had waived him off, telling him to leave Donnie alone so they could go already. Donnie hadn't even resisted, instead allowing himself to be steered away by the red banded brother, barely even looking back as he'd left Mikey alone.

There was no denying that being treated like that hurt. He'd stood there frozen, a feeling of cold emptiness filling him. A feeling that told him he didn't matter to his brothers. That Donnie would rather go to the junkyard with Raph rather than talk to him. But more than that…..he'd felt anger, anger at Raph for always hogging Donnie’s attention. Even now his hands clenched into fists as he recalled it.

Raph was always pulling Donnie away, always dragging the genius turtle away to work on his bike, or do a junkyard run or…..other stuff. Unconsciously Mikey growled, the anger he'd felt before starting to ebb back to life. He'd been talking to Donnie first and Raph had come along and practically pushed him out of the way without so much as a second thought. Mikey bit his lip, his heartbeat starting to accelerate. He was so sick of it. Sick of Raph treating him like an afterthought. Sick of him treating everyone like they were some huge inconvenience to him unless he wanted something from them.

How many times had Raph called Donnie an egghead or a know it all, only to start smooth talking him the moment he needed help with his bike? How often had Raph dumped the chores he should have been doing on Mikey, only to get angry when master splinter called him on it. How often had he fought with Leo, claiming he'd be a better leader only for him plans to lead them to disaster?

For several moments Mikey stood there, his feelings of anger at his red banded brother growing with each second. His heart hammered in his chest, the sudden urge to punch his brother’s face filling his mind making his fists shake. But Raph wasn't here and there was no telling when he or Donnie would be back. But……

Slowly Mikey moved, his heartbeat quickening again as he felt his fingers close around the handle of the heavy metal wrench. In his ears he could hear Raph’s voice. Taunting him, mocking him, calling him a looser, a wimp, a waste of a ninja, that he didn't have the balls to do it. That he was too much of a pussy and he should go away and leave the real men to work.

Before he knew what he was doing a bellowing roar of rage erupted from his throat. He brought the wrench up, bringing it down a second later on the headlight of Raph’s bike, shattering it instantly. Again he brought the wrench up, this time swinging it sideways into the gas tank, then the handles, then the body. He lost count of how many times he swung the tool, each loud crash spurring him to do more and more damage.

Soon his arms shook, now a result of exhaustion and not from the anger which still coursed through his veins. He stared down at what was left of Raph’s bike, its once polished and pristine paint job now dented, pitted and broken. He’d done a lot of damage, so much that for a moment Mikey smiled. It looked worse than when Raph had first pulled it from the junkyard.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!”

Instantly he spun around to face the shouting voice. Behind him stood Raph and Donnie, having just come in through the side door of the garage. A second later Raph rushed forward, roughly shoving him out of the way as he ran to his bike.

“MY BIKE! MIKEY WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO MY BIKE?!”

Raph’s words only sparked more answer, making Mikey’s grip on the wrench tighten. Was the bike the only thing Raph cared about? Donnie had yet to move, still standing in the doorway, look of confusion and uncertainty covering his face. “Mikey...are you ok?”

But before he could respond Raph rounded on him. “NO HE'S NOT OK. IM GONNA KILL HIM FOR DAMAGING MY BIKE!”

A second later Mikey found himself moving again. The wrench left his hand, launched through the air at his brother who ducked the weapon. “SHUT THE FUCK UP RAPH! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ACTUALLY CARE! YOU'LL JUST HAVE DONNIE FIX IT LIKE YOU ALWAYS DOES! HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY DONE ANYTHING TO IT?! OR HAVE YOU JUST HAD DONNIE DOING ALL THE WORK?!”

To the side of them Donnie again spoke. “Mikey-”

But Donnie’s words were cut off as Raph snarled and lunged at him. Year of practice and training let him see the lung coming. For a moment Mikey stayed where he was, letting Raph think he'd caught him off guard; but at the last second he moved side stepping the attack and letting Raph crash into the tool bench and shell behind where he'd been standing. Instantly the sound of falling equipment and parts filled the garage.

Suddenly a new urge filled Mikey’s mind. He didn't want to be here. Not just here in the garage but….here….near his brothers or….anyone. He wanted to be alone.

Without looking to see if Raph was ok Mikey began to move, turning towards Donnie and the doorway he was standing in. Behind him he could hear Raph grunting from where he'd hit. “Get….back here….asshole….gunna….strangle you for this.”

The word stirred something in him, stoking the flames of rage that still burned inside him. Before he knew what he was doing he spun around, shouting at his brother who was still half buried under the pile of junk and tools that had fallen on him. “FUCK YOU RAPH! FUCK YOU AND FU-"

“What’s going on here?!”

The sound of Leo's voice made him turn. Leo had appeared now. Standing in the doorway to the lift that took them down into the lair. For a moment Leo just stood there, taking in the scene before him. But he spoke a moment later, his voice sharp and strong. “WHAT HAPPENED HERE?”

Again Mikey spoke before he realized it. “Nothing that concerns you. I’m leaving.”

He turned, intending to continue on his way out the door. He'd only taken a single step when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. “you're not going an-"

Suddenly the anger flared up again, burning like an inferno inside him in response to his brother’s touch. Letting out a roar of rage Mikey spun back around. For a moment he saw Leo's face, the look of surprise and shock covering his features. But a moment later that expression vanished, replaced by a look of pain as Mikey’s fist connect with the side of Leo’s head. The punch was full force, not like a training punch or even a playful one. No this punch was strong enough to loft Leo off his feet and send him reeling backwards and onto the floor.

He didn't wait any longer, turning around again and storming across the room towards Donnie and the open door. For a moment Donnie stood in front of him, his arms still full of the parts and whatever else Raph was making him carry. Coming to a stop before his final brother Mikey spoke, his voice a low angry growl. “Get out of my way Donnie. NOW.”

To his credit Donnie didn't move at first. Instead the genius turtle looked at him, the expression of confusion mixing with a look of feat Mikey had never seen his brothers look at him with before. “m-Mikey….are you-"

But Mikey cut his brother off, snarling at Donnie. “GET OUT IF MY WAY DONNIE!”

For another second Donnie stood still, not moving. For the briefest of moments Mikey wondered if hex have to hit Donnie too. But he was saved from this when Donnie shifted, standing aside and allowing him to pass.

As he moved past his brother Mikey heard Donnie try to speak. “Mikey…”

But he ignored his brother, storming out of the garage and away from his family.


	6. Chapter 6

Moving as quickly as he could Donnie worked, hurriedly gathering up some ice from the freezer before putting in the two bags he already gotten out. Once the bags were sealed he turned, hurrying to hand them to his brothers. Leo smiled weakly, bringing the bag of ice up to the side of his face. His injury was already starting to swell and change colors, marring his green skin was a nasty red where Mikey had punched him.

Raph was worse off, grunting as he brought the single back of ice to his head where a hammer had fallen on. As he did so Raph grunted. “Gonna….kill him…..”

Donnie frowned. Mikey’s behavior….it worried him. Mikey had never been prone to violence. So to see him like that, destroying Raph’s bike, attacking them, and screaming at the top of his lungs…..it had shaken Donnie.

Across from them master Splinter sat in his chair, his eyes watching them. After a few moments he spoke, his voice low and calm. “Tell me what happened.”

Opening his mouth to speak Donnie found himself cut off as Raph spoke over him. “Mikey went insane and trashed my bike. Then the little psycho threw me into the shelves and attacked Leo!”

Master Splinter nodded. “Donatello, tell me what happened.”

But again before Donnie could speak Raph cut him off. “I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!”

Splinter’s whiskers bristled slightly. This time when he spoke his voice was sharp. “RAPHAEL, LANGUAGE. I wish to hear what Donatello observed. Do not interrupt him.”

Raph grunted, clearly wanting to say more but instead silenced by Splinter’s stern words and gaze. After a moment Splinter repeated himself. “Donatello, what did you see?”

Biting his lip Donnie took a breath, doing his best to ignore all the eyes that were now looking at him. “Raph and I returned from the junkyard and walked in to find Mikey holding a wrench with Raph’s bike destroyed. When Raph confronted Mikey about it, Mikey threw the wrench. When Raph tried to grab Mikey, Mikey sidestepped and Raph hit the shelves making them fall. Then Leo showed up and Mikey….disabled him before leaving.”

Master Splinter remained silent the whole time, occasionally glaring at Raphael when the turtle would open his mouth to interrupt. Only once Donnie was done did Splinter speak. “This….behavior...is highly irregular for your brother. He’s never been one for violence or wild mood swings.”

Donnie nodded. “Agreed. But I also know he’s not been himself lately. For last several months actually.”

At this Raph scoffed. “Wouldn’t know. Barely heard a peep out of him. It’s been great.”

Huffing in annoyance Donnie glared at Raph. “And you didn't think that was weird?”

Again Raph shrugged, adjusting the bag of ice he was holding. It was Leo who spoke next, his voice slightly uncertain. “About a month ago…..I saw Mikey sneaking out of the lair…..he had a box under his arm.” Splinter and Donnie shifted to look at him as he continued. “At the time I didn't stop him, he seemed was clearly trying to be quiet. I thought he was setting up for a prank. Or going to see leatherhead.”

Donnie bit his lip. He was concerned for his brother. Mikey’s drastic change in personality, the sneaking out, and the attack and Raph’s bike….all of these were wildly out of character and gave him a very valid reason to be concerned. But it was Splinter who spoke, his voice calm and thoughtful. “Where would Michelangelo go if he has left the lair? Could he be going to Miss O’Neil’s or Mr. Jones’s home?”

Leo shook his head. “I doubt it. He'd know we'd look their first.”

Splinter nodded for a moment. “Very well, Donatello, I want you to into your brother's room. Search it, and see if you can find some trace of where he's gone.”

Donnie bit his lip nervously at his father’s words. They were all protective of their rooms, following an unspoken rule that they wouldn't go snooping through each other’s belongings. Donnie could even remember a time when their normally calm and collected leader had shouted and bellowed as loud as Raph when he'd found Mikey snooping through his closet. As if the elderly rat knew what he was thinking, he spoke. “I know you all respect each other's privacy. But this is serious and we need to know where Mikey has gone. Go now and see if you can find some clues.”

Biting his lip again Donnie nodded before vetting to his feet. Leaving the living room Donnie made his way down the hallway; passing Leo’s room, then Raph’s before….

Coming to a stop in front of Mikey’s door Donnie took a deep breath. For some reason he was really struggling with this, with the idea of going into Mikey’s room and looking around. But what Splinter had said was right, and then needed to find some clue as to where Mikey had gone. Perhaps he'd even get lucky and find some clue to what had caused Mikey’s strange behavior lately. Taking a deep breath Donnie reached out, gripping the knob to Mikey’s room before slowly turning it and pushing the door open.

He'd seen Mikey’s room before, even been in it a few times with his brother's permission of course. He'd expected to see the shelves filled with action figures and collectables, for the walls to be papered in posters of anime characters and action heroes, and for a stack of video games to be stuffed into the corner next to Mikey’s TV. But that wasn't what he found. In front the room was completely different from when he'd last seen it several months ago. Gone were the action figure stuffed shelves and postered walls. In fact there was nothing hanging from Mikey’s walls, allowing him to see the aging bricks unhindered. Even more alarming was not only the lack of Mikey’s video games but also his TV and game station.

With a faint thud Mikey’s door stopped as it met the wall. Donnie barely noticed. His heartbeat was rapidly increasing as his eyes almost frantically searched the room for some sign of his little brother’s trademark personality. It was gone, everything Mikey had collected and cherished for years was gone, and from the looks of things…..

Instantly Donnie’s mind whipped itself into a frenzy making his heart hammer and pound almost painfully in his chest. He felt dizzy, and try and he might he was struggling to breath. After what felt like an impossibly long time he managed to pull himself away from the sight of the empty room, his mind starting to panic; making him run back to the living room. “IT’S GONE!”

His voice came out as a shout, panicked and high pitched. From where they were still sitting his family looked up at him, with Leo speaking first. “What?”

Donnie mouth opened and closed wordlessly as the panic he was feeling continued to grow and build inside him. He should have known, should have insisted on talking with Mikey. Shouldn't have left his brother alone, should have told Raph to back off until-

“DONATELLO.” The voice of his father pulled him from his thoughts. Making him blink as he found that Splinter had moved and was now standing before him. After a few moments Splinter spoke. “What is gone?”

Donnie swallowed painfully, fully aware that everyone was watching him. Opening his mouth he forced the words out. “Mikey’s….everything….it’s gone. His action figures...and collectables….they're all gone.”

The dots were starting to collect now. It was impossible to describe, the horrible twisting sinking feeling like he’d just been force bed a 100 pound weight and thin been kicked in the stomach. How could he have not seen it before now? Mikey’s sudden change in behavior and personality. Him no longer finding joy in tings that used to interest him. Mikey’s apparent avoidance of his family. His sudden mood swing from before. Even the sudden disappeared of Mikey’s prized possessions.

It all pointed to a single conclusion; a single horrible horrific conclusion that made Donnie feel like he was going to vomit. Still the thoughts formed in his throat, putting into words the horrible sickening twisting realization that was dawning on him.

“I think Mikey plans to try and commit suicide.”


End file.
